When we think about grief, we often think about losing someone we love. And for some youth experiencing homelessness, that is part of their experience. They may also grieve other kinds of loss—leaving behind a home, changing schools, losing friendships, being separated from family, or suddenly living without the routines and familiar surroundings that once provided a sense of safety.

For many youth, these losses don’t happen one at a time. They can experience repeated changes and separations throughout their lives, often without having the time or space to process one loss before another occurs. Over time, those experiences can make it harder to feel emotionally safe, build relationships, manage emotions, and trust that the people and things they care about will remain in their lives.

Sometimes, loss means leaving behind things that matter. A youth may not be able to take everything with them when they leave a home or move from place to place. They may hold onto something small—a blanket, a photograph, or a favorite possession—that connects them to a memory or reminds them of who they are.

Holly Yost, a Youth Counselor at Homeless Youth Connection (HYC), has seen this firsthand through her previous work with youth. She remembers keeping a skateboard for a youth and pageant dresses in her car for a youth who participated in pageants.

To someone else, these might seem silly or small. But to those young people, they were familiar and personal. When so much else is changing, having something that feels familiar can provide a sense of stability.

“You need stability to feel safe,” she said.

That need for stability goes beyond having a place to sleep. Moving from one place to another, changing schools or losing touch with people they care about can be exhausting, especially when there is little time to adjust before something else changes.

Sometimes, that exhaustion shows up physically, too. Holly recalls young people arriving at a transitional home and wanting nothing more than to sleep for days.

“After carrying so much, sometimes the body needs a chance to stop,” she said.

Creating a Safe Place

At HYC’s Transitional Living Program, youth have a place to settle in, build routines and connect with one another through support groups and activities hosted in the home. Holly leads some of these groups, creating opportunities for youth to talk about grief, coping, self-care, healthy relationships and other challenges they may be navigating.

For a youth who has had to move from place to place, knowing there is a place where they are welcome and accepted can be just as important as having a roof over their head. Feeling welcome, accepted and free to be themselves can help make a place feel like home. And, that sense of safety can become something youth carry with them.

“If you provide youth a safe space, it can help them believe there are other safe spaces and that they are capable of having this again in the future beyond HYC,” Holly said.

Healing Takes Time

Grief doesn’t have a timeline. A youth may not be ready to talk, accept help or process everything they have experienced right away. Sometimes, grief can show up in ways that are easy to misunderstand—pulling away, becoming disengaged or struggling to connect. What may look like a behavior problem can sometimes be a young person trying to cope with loss and change.

Holly emphasizes that when a young person says “no,” it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want connection. Sometimes, they simply need time and space before they’re ready.

That patience is also an important part of how HYC staff build trust with youth.

Pierre Luhumbu, Lead Resident Assistant, at HYC’s Transitional Living Program, takes a similar approach in building relationships with youth. He takes time to learn their strengths, interests and comfort levels, finding ways to connect beyond program expectations. He said sometimes that means talking about music, sports or fashion. Other times, it might mean playing cards or sports together.

“As time goes by, they open up to me, because I try to show them, beyond just the program rules, that I am genuinely working to support them to transition successfully to the next stage of their lives,” Pierre said.

That trust can make a difference in small, everyday moments. During a recent cooking activity, one youth was hesitant to participate. Later, the youth came to the table to eat but worried that they shouldn’t because they hadn’t helped with the cooking.

Pierre invited the youth to join the group and reminded them that they contribute every day in other ways, including doing chores and taking care of their personal space. He also reassured them that there was plenty of food for everyone.

For Pierre, the moment reflected the connection he had built with the youth over time by listening and responding to their needs.

“Trust must be reciprocal; we need to take the first step. Time and patience play a crucial role in that process,” he said.

For a young person who has experienced so much change, knowing there is a place for them—even when they aren’t ready to participate—can be an important part of feeling safe and connected.

“Healing takes time,” Holly said. “HYC does an amazing job of creating an environment where youth can recover.”